Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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