so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
