I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
