we have pet lesbian snakes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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