i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
