I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
