I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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