i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
