she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
