we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
