just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
