Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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