I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
