I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
