Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize