I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
