highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
