Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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