I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
