threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
And then he peed in my hair
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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