i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
