I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
