There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
