be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
