I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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