I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
