When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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