I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
