Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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