? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
