i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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