that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
