You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
