I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
