those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
