I don't think brook has ever known best
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
