I accidentally burped into my bong.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
