Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
