Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
