I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize