i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We are all done wearing pants today
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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