I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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