The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
