im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
