I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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