No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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