Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
