Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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