if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize