It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
