big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
