so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
