discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
