I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
