Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
