when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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