I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
