oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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