I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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