Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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