YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize