I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
