New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
