where am i from again
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
