Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
