He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
