I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
