We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
