Can Purell be used as lube?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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