I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
