Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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