Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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