I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
