Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
