Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize