I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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