Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I met the friendliest cop last night
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize