shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
did i just pee glitter
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
