I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
