Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
