Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
