and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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