ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
