It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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