Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so let's talk penis.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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