i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize