Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she peed on how many people?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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