you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
