I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just pee around me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
