Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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