i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
