Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
