If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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