another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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