Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
