i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its liver damage thursday
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
