Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
