For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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